My ‘affair’ with a generous aristo

 
NCC had issued a deadline to all Nigerians to register their SIM cards before a certain date or risk being disconnected from their various service providers.

I happened to be one of those found wanting a day to the stated deadline. That Thursday, I abandoned everything on my schedule with the aim of registering my MTN sim card before the end of the day.
When I got to their office, I was the 370th person to join the longest queue of my life. From my calculations, it was going to take nothing less than three hours before they got to my turn.
Just when I was beginning to lose hope, the security personnel assigned to maintain order on the queue took me to the front where I was attended to promptly.
I thought it was sheer luck only for me to receive a phone call from one of their senior staff that night. Apparently, he had been my knight during the day and I didn’t need to interrogate him on how he got my contact details.
He said the only way I could thank him for his help was to pay him a visit.
I was a bit sceptical to meet up a total stranger so I lied I was travelling out of town the next day and I’d return in five months time.
In the weeks that followed by, he kept tormenting me with his incessant phone calls with a promise to stop only if I come to town to see him.
Tired of playing mice&cat games, I told him I was going to come the following weekend.
He suggested a Sunday at his office since he worked 7 days a week and the time was fixed.
When I got there, the strange man sneaked up behind me, grabbed me by my waist and placed me beside one of those mainframe computers MTN uses in typing their annoying spam sms.
He stood at an intimidating height of 6’6.
Initially, I was nervous and scared at the same time.
I told him I won’t be spending more than two hours with him as I had to travel back to my base in the afternoon. He didn’t object to that.
When he caught me staring at the MR biggs across his office, he offered to buy me ‘food’.
Well, I’m not the type that says no to free food from Mr Biggs.
I was expecting him to return with their signature yellow/red polythene only for him to shatter my heart by sending this very sad text message.
‘Shaki or Pomo?’
I panicked when I read it. When did Mr Biggs introduce shaki and pomo to their menu? I wondered.
I was still trying to make sense of his question when he returned to the office with one covered 555 stainless plate and glass bottled fanta.
”*Naijasinglegirl* you didn’t reply my message in time so I got you one shaki and two boiled eggs to go with your rice&stew.” he said.
Look at this stingy man oh. Supposing I had truly come in from another town, it means I came all the way to eat dirty mamaput from God knows where.
I didn’t say a word but deep down, I knew there was no way I was going to touch that 555 plate with the star&moon spoon he was holding.
As if that was not enough insult, he took one of my eggs (the larger one) and ate it in my presence! Such disrespect!
Then he opened my fanta and drank directly from it. When he placed half of the fanta on the table, bits of eggs yolk were swimming in my drink.
I was so disgusted. At that point I regretted not using etisalat network. LoL.
Then he came over to where I sat and attempted to give me a peck with his smelly egg mouth.
That was when I saw his wedding band…
“Your ring is fine.” I said.
“Thanks.” He replied in a slimy nonchalant way.
There was a deafening silence for some minutes. Then he got talking again.
“You see…I am very attracted to you and it would be nice if we get to know ourselves intimately…you never can tell where it might lead us to.”
Being the outspoken girl that I am, I had nothing to lose so I said, “Lead me to some place as your second wife? So you want me to be your extramarital affair partner? So that I will be having sexual intercourse with you? How long have you been committing adultery sef?”
Surprisingly, he burst into laughter.
When the laughter had subsided, he went on to tell me how he was disappointed I couldn’t appreciate his honesty.
In his words, the fact that he revealed his marital status showed he cared and he is serious about me. *sigh*
It was no use arguing with him. Maybe I would considered his aristo offer if we couldn’t afford shaki in my house or if I had not eaten pomo before.
One hour had passed and I was more than anxious to leave.
When I made my announcement. He handed me one N500 note and one packet MTN tshirt from his office cabinet as if I am one of those MTN marketers that use to dance shoki in front of computer village.
Just imagine the insult.
He got my message clearly when I turned down his MTN shirt, his N500, his fanta, his mamaput rice, his egg, his shaki, his peck, his aristo offer and his peepee.
The generous aristo never bothered me again.